I'm Testing My Flame Shield...Modern Warfare 3 is Ass

Activision has pulled off a heist of Ocean's Eleven proportions. One billion dollars in sales tand in record time.  Sixteen days to be exact.  Gamers flocked to midnight releases, twelve year olds went fetal in Wal Marts across the country to get their grubby mitts on Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3.  Me on the other hand, I went to a RedBox and rented that shit.  I popped the disc into my Playstation 3 eager to see the improvements and additions that would make Modern Warfare 3 the best out of the franchise, maybe even the best FPS ever...



I've stopped looking, because it will never be found.  For a big budget, big name title MW3 feels like an untested terrible mess.


The single player is insignificant and uneventful.  There were explosions, I shot people and not a single fuck was given that day.  Oh shit son World War 3 is going on all around me...

I didn't care if I found Makarov, I wasn't shocked at the plot twist with Yuri.  Soap is dead....*yawn.*  It's as if Michael Bay dipped Devastator's wrecking balls all through the plot, and that my friends is NOT a good thing.

Now when you claim to be the pinnacle of the multiplayer online experience it's spit your game, talk your shit.  We heard a lot of talk, but did they deliver?  Like a pizza man in the projects (that's a no for you slow folks.)

First off the lag during multiplayer sessions is deplorable.  I found my player moonwalking into walls more than I did shooting at the opposing team.  Or the illusion of getting the drop on an enemy, emptying more clips than an URL battle only to have the other guy turn around and drop me with a fraction of the bullets, with the killcam showing me not even firing a single shot.  Thanks lag compensation.  $3 billion in sales as of 2009...not counting sales of MW3 OR Black Ops, and the shitload of Elite subscriptions purchased but having dedicated servers isn't an option?  Host pro for the fucking win.

The initial maps are boring and uninspired.  The design team must have been watching Hoarders during development.  So much unnecessary clutter.  And the corners....OH LAWD THE CORNERS! I wasn't sure if I was supposed to camp or offer two for fives.  

There's a rumor that it's possible that some Modern Warfare 2 maps will return...the jokes is so on us.








A lot of the same issues that plagued MW2 and even Black Ops still remain.  The Commando perk may be gone, but you WILL be the victim of being commando knifed during your juncture.  Overpowered guns (Akimbo FMG-9s & the T-95) Overpowered perks (Assassin Pro) and the clusterfuck that is the strike package system.  Games slowly devolve into who can camp longer to build up their streaks.  I did enjoy the new Kill Confirmed mode, but the majority of the games I've joined were camp fests. 

I enjoyed the survival mode.  It's a cool diversion to keep you from hurling your controller of choice into a wall & Bobby Knighting your television. 

Modern Warfare 3 is not a great game.  This game needs help like Wiz Khalifa needs a sandwich.  It needs mindless fanboy support like Lindsay Lohan needs an 8-ball.  Activision basically released Modern Warfare 2 with a frontlace and color contacts.    Sure it looks appealing, but below the surface it has daddy issues and doesn't love itself.  Yet you fanboys will continue to wife her and make excuses for the dumb ass behavior.  Yet you criticize other titles with a fine toothed comb and brag about the money Activision took from YOU and 9 million others.

If you're upset at my opinion...GOOD!  Please come to the defense of your sacred golden calf.  Please please PLEASE call me a noob and tell me to GOML.  Or better yet call me a (insert competitor's title here) fanboy.  Ask if my K/D is over one, and tell me that I dislike the game because I suck.  Please remove the Call of Duty dick from the side of your jaw and tell me why I'm wrong.  You'll have plenty of time to think of something in between patches that take months to release.

If you need me I'll be playing Uncharted.

P.S. Fuck quick scoping.